Thank you is not enough...

Hello everyone, I am so excited to be writing on my own blog after a very long 9 months. I must start by telling you all how amazing YOU are. Thank-you all for your support. I have received so many e-mails, phone calls, cards, gifts, prayers and just plain love that "thank you" can not accurately describe how I feel. I can not tell you how much you have all meant to me over the last nine months. When I first started to receive cards one of my friends was here and she took ribbons and attached all of the cards down the ribbons and hung them on the wall of my bedroom. At one point almost everyone of my walls was filled with cards and if I had continued the card hanging I don't think I would have an empty wall in my house. I eventually took the cards down and they are now overflowing in a shopping bag in my bedroom. Every now and then when I am feeling down about this crazy situation I grab a handful of cards and remember everyone out there rooting for me. You all give me so much strength! The crazy part about being diagnosed with cancer is that you find out how much good there is in the world. People that have not even met me but send support in so many ways. I am so blown away by these special people. After my second round of chemo my parents were here and I remember telling my dad that I was the luckiest girl I knew. He kind of looked at me like I was crazy but I truly feel that I am blessed to have so many amazing friends and family. I read a quote the other day that said, "there is a big difference between making a large amount of money and being rich." I, my friends, am rich!!

During the last year our home had a revolving door. One of my sisters would leave and one of my friends would come the next day. I went to the airport so many times this year and yet hardly ever left the state. My mother practically moved in this past year trying to help in any way she could. I have always been extremely independent and it has taken some getting used to needing people. However, everyone that came made it seem so effortless when I know in fact it was not. You acted like you felt lucky to be here to take care of me. Some of my friends came during my good weeks when I wasn't feeling so bad just to keep my spirits up. Some came on weeks I was in chemo and knew I would never even remember they were there. I have always known that I have a great family and amazing friends but you all proved to be more then I could ever imagine.

I can not write my first blog and not mention the most amazing person in my life. Ryan has been a godsend. To be honest we have been together for eight years and I never knew he could take care of me the way he has over the last year. I am not sure what I would have done without him. He has more patience and grace than anyone I have ever met, and let's not forget his mean writing skills. I keep asking myself how I got so lucky. I will tell you all that you don't know how much someone means to you until you realize you might lose them. Ryan and I got to find out first hand and trust me when I say that you need to tell that special person in your life that you love them at every opportunity. So I will take this opportunity to tell Ryan, I love you and that you mean the world to me and last but not least I owe you.........my life. Kristine

11/19 - Sorry it's Been a While

Kristine continues to receive daily radiation treatments that will last through the middle of December. They’re fairly routine and quick, each treatment lasting only a few minutes. She lays in a long CT scan like machine with her arm and shoulder in a custom fitted mold to ensure exact repeatability of each localized treatment. A large box is lowered onto her shoulder aligning with several pinpoint tattoo marks that have been permanently inked onto Kristine’s skin, again to ensure exactness.

Radiation doesn't have many side effects especially in the location Kristine is receiving it. Her right shoulder has developed a slight redness and her skin will continue to darken in the treated area. The redness will likely recede but could last permanently. To answer a question that comes up a lot, there’s little to no risk of infertility since the radiation is not being administered anywhere near the abdomen or groin. There is a chance that her esophagus could be “burned” since the treatment is occurring so close to Kristine’s throat. If her throat were affected it could cause painful swallowing for a short time and those who experience this side effect often lose a good deal of weight because they avoid the pain that eating brings. The doctor is careful at each appointment to ask Kristine if she’s experiencing any pain from swallowing or eating. So far she is fortunate that this has not been an issue.

Kristine’s physical strength is improving all the time, but is still a long way from where it used to be. This is evident each time she pushes to climb the stairs or walk at a usual pace, as she herself forgets her current limits -- or perhaps just refuses to accept them. The little bit of hair that had grown back fell out again a few weeks after her final cycle of chemo and has been stubborn to show any sign of regeneration since. No one can really explain this other than to say that, “it can take time.”

People who see Kristine these days comment on how amazing she looks and how vibrant she is. These statements have ceased to be qualified on a relative scale of someone who, “…has been through what she’s been through” and instead are made using a normal, healthy person’s scale, the kind of scale reserved for friends without cancer. I think this observation illustrates just how well Kristine is doing.


There are many things that Kristine now avoids and probably will for some time. Things that developed a strong association to the emotional and physical stress that came with nine months of cancer therapy. The smell and taste of lemon from the candies she sucked on to mask the metallic taste of saline port injections, for example, bring back discomforting memories.

For me, blogging has come to have a similar association. As much as it has been a healthy outlet for me and a helpful tool to keep you all informed, when I sit down to write one of these postings I’m forced to confront truths that seem easier to avoid -- the reality of Kristine’s struggles and the uncertainty of what the future holds.

My hiatus from blogging for the past five weeks was not meant to be irresponsible or disrespectful in anyway, and I apologize if it seemed that way. The break was a way for me to embrace a little bit of normalcy and more importantly to focus on the one thing that matters most, Kristine. The support you have all shown to Kristine and I has been overwhelming. Your generosity and genuine concern have been extraordinary. But I also have to thank you for your patience with my inconsistent communication as Kristine and I try to make sense out of the next phase of our lives.

I do think that as we enter this new phase it’s only fitting that Kristine begin contributing her voice to the blog. So, with that, you will be hearing a little less from me and a lot more from the woman who has been a driving force and source of inspiration to me and to so many others. Kristine plans to start updating the site regularly to meet the needs of her loyal “fan base” and to continue to tell her story into its next chapter.