Speeches from the Memorial Event
I am still working on posting the videos, which I am hoping to get up this weekend. In the meantime here are Kristine's sisters' and my speeches from the evening.
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THE SISTER'S WORDS: COLETTE, STEPHANIE AND GRETCHEN
(Colette)
Kristine, welcome to the celebration of your life. We know you are here dancing above. Thank you to each of you for coming together today to celebrate Kristine’s life. The distance many of you have traveled is symbolic of the numerous places our sister lived, loved and traveled. Kristine was a very special person. Many people can be described as this, but Kristine was truly like no one we have ever met…..a free spirit, a lover of life.
There was never a dull moment growing up with Kristine and this certainly didn’t change throughout her adult life. Kristine, like for all of you, was the spark in our family. Because of Kristine’s outgoing personality, Gretchen, Stephanie and I are often known as Kristine’s sisters. No matter how near or far she lived, she always had a strong presence within our family.
(Stephanie)
I have so many memories with Kristine. Kristine and I were only fifteen months apart in age, so we really did grow up together. Lots of funny stories and adventures. So I picked one of the funny stories to tell you because I know Kristine would have liked that……..
It was the summer of 1986. Kristine just got her drivers license. Kristine and I were begging my Dad to let us take his brand new pick-up truck to 7-11. He said, “No way….not in his new truck!” After lots of persuasion on Kristine’s part, my Dad finally gave us permission to go. Kristine always had a knack of talking my Dad into changing a no answer into a yes. Of course Kristine didn’t have plans to go right to 7-11 and come home, we had to drive by a couple of boy’s houses and stop at McDonalds for some french-fries before even making it to 7-11. Kristine was never into following the rules. When we finally made it to 7-11, as we were driving up to park, Kristine hit the accelerator instead of the break and we ended up running right into the front of the building. Thankfully this 7-11 had wood half way up the side. After we hit the building my first though was, “Dad is going to kill us!” I look over at Kristine and she looked at me and she just burst into laughter. We both got out of the truck to look at the damage. Just then, four boys ride up on their bikes, looking to see what had just happened. Kristine turns and looks at me and says….”I can’t believe you just ran into 7-11, STEPHANIE!”
As all of you know, being with Kristine was always an adventure. I always knew that when I went out with her it wouldn’t be a boring time. She was never too tired to go out dancing after dinner or too tired to do A LOT of shopping after lunch.
(Gretchen)
Growing up as Kristine’s older sister, I taught her a few things that I’m sure she carried with her throughout her life. She taught me many things as well.
When I taught her how to master tying her shoes, she taught me how to be extremely patient. I don’t know that I have mastered her lessons as well as she had, but I’m still trying.
When I taught her how to argue, she taught me that I would never win one with her.
When I taught her how to drive a stick shift, she taught me how to relax a little, take a very deep breath and enjoy the ride. That too I’m still working on.
When I taught her how to scuba dive, she taught me how to see the ocean as if it were my very first time in the water. This I can still do.
She lived life differently than most, seizing every opportunity without a second guess. It seemed Kristine was on a mission. A mission to experience life and all it had to offer her, and in my eyes she succeeded brilliantly.
When Kristine found out she was sick, she first taught me how to tell our own family that we need them. This was hard for her. She then taught me the meaning of courage, inner strength, real determination and exceptional grace. She did things her way, the way she wanted throughout her entire life….and I admire her for her choice to stay true to herself.
So, yes I taught Kristine many things, but I think I received the most valuable lessons from her.
(Colette)
Kristine spent her life doing what she loved most, traveling. Any opportunity she got to go on a new adventure she was packing her bags. So many of us here today traveled with Kristine to countless countries many can only dream to see in a lifetime. If you even mentioned the idea of a trip, before you knew it Kristine was going with you and had booked her travel arrangements. Or vice versa, she was always on the look out for someone to jump on board with her to travel to a new place. In 2000, after Kristine learned I was traveling to Europe, she jumped on board and planned the entire itinerary and had us staying at some of the nicest hotels with all of her concierge connections. Within two weeks, we visited countless countries with our favorite being Cinque Terre.
Needless to say I was exhausted, but Kristine was always ready to catch the earliest train possible so we could make the most of each and every day.
Kristine loved a good party and you could count on her to be in attendance. When Kristine turned 30 she threw herself a party themed “29 forever.” Any reason to throw a party and dance, Kristine was in and always the first person on the dance floor. She had a knack for bringing people together and making friends easily. She loved her friends….they were an extension of her family. When I would visit Philly and ask where she had met a particular friend, she would say the dog park, the local coffee shop or any place in between. She made friends wherever she went. One person in particular is her friend Toni. Late in Kristine’s life, Toni was one of Kristine’s angel’s, caring for her like family. When I asked them how they met, and learned Toni had been Kristine’s boss, I smiled. Kristine touched everyone she met.
At one of the many parties Kristine attended, she met Ryan. Soon after meeting Ryan in San Francisco, Kristine and I took our trip to Europe. During our trip Kristine shared how excited she was to have met this amazing guy. She loved his dance moves (especially the Michael Jackson moves and ladder dance), but most of all his keen sense of humor….a perfect match for Kristine. Over ten years, Ryan and Kristine’s love grew as they traveled many mountains, high and low. Little did we know how much Ryan’s sense of humor would keep Kristine’s spirits high and her smile wide. Ryan, we are forever grateful to the love and care you gave to Kristine. Thank you for understanding and accepting Kristine for who she was as a person.
I would like to share a piece that Kristine wrote on her blog in August of 2008.…..
The word stable has always made me uncomfortable. All of you that know me personally will understand what I mean. I always kind of felt that stable would include a nice two car garage in the suburbs with 2.2 kids and the perfect ken doll husband. Now let’s not get the wrong idea, there is nothing wrong with wanting or having any of that in your life. It just wasn’t my thing. Usually when I started to feel too comfortable somewhere I would pick up and move just to keep it interesting. It was a lifestyle I enjoyed. The only rules I ever had were to not buy anything that wouldn’t fit in my car and I never wanted to hear myself say, “I wish I could do that.”
This is truly how Kristine lived her life, without regret. I can now make some sense of why Kristine lived her life the way she did….her way, her terms, no negotiating. Kristine’s path in life was short, but full.
As many of you know, Kristine also had a passion for finding the best bargain in town and when she did everyone heard about it. She was always on the go and had the wardrobe to prove it! As one friend said, “the economy won’t ever be the same without Kristine shopping.”
On behalf of our family, we would like to thank each of you for your love and support of Kristine and our family over the past three years. Kristine was so touched by the outpouring of love. I remember her saying that she didn’t realize how much people cared about her and was amazed at the compassion the world showed.
At 30, Kristine planned a “29 forever” birthday and reluctantly turned 30. At 39, Kristine only hoped to see 40. Life is so ironic. She will remain in our hearts….39 forever.
Kristine often reminded us to “Trust Life.” In fact, in trying times this motto helped pull us through. Today I know she would want us to remind one another of this.
(Stephanie)
Kristine has taught us to be a little more adventurous and to try new things….just as she did. We have always looked up to her. We have always, and will always, be proud of being Kristine’s sisters.
(Gretchen)
At this time, we would like to acknowledge our parents who were always encouraging us to find our own way, to be independent and to live life to its fullest. Mom and Dad, without that encouragement Kristine may have been a lot less adventurous, feisty and free spirited.
RYAN'S WORDS
Kristine and I met over 10 years ago in San Francisco. My roommates and I were having a party. A friend of ours, Shannon Nielsen, suggested to the group of girls she was out with that night, that included Kristine, that they stop by (as Kristine liked to describe it), “the young boys party.” Kristine was 5 years my senior, although she like to joke that I acted like I was 20 years hers.
There were 5 or 6 girls that came storming into our flat that night, while some hip hop song was blaring over the speakers. I was in the living room doing the overbite thumb dance... you know the one (demonstration). Well despite the chaos that ensued as this gaggle of women took over our party, there was one women in particular -- the only brunette in the group -- that stood out immediately to me. She had an electric glow, a radiance that captivated me within seconds of seeing her brilliant smile. And as the commotion of the evening swirled around us, we locked eyes as if to acknowledge our instant attraction.
Later that night, after a bit of dancing and conversation, I was talking to Shannon when Kristine approached us. Shannon, being an instigator for all things that re-lived youth and perhaps noticing the chemistry between Kristine and I, said that we should...well... go into the hall closet and kiss.
My reaction was uncertain and embarrassed. Something like, “ahh really?” Kristine on the other hand just smiled and said, “alright!” So there we were, in an empty hall closet with only a faint stream of light shining in through a small frosted pane of glass above the door. Within seconds of our lips meeting we stopped... pulled back... and looked in amazement at one another, each acknowledging that this was no ordinary kiss. Something had transpired in that moment that was much bigger than us. Kristine and I often talked about that moment as being something that was surreal and magical. We, of course, carried on our kissing and eventually even left the closet to join the rest of the party.
It took us some time to start dating. We would see each other at parties around town. And, yes, some of these parties even had closets. But we were reluctant. Maybe it was our intense connection that scared us a little.
Then one day in December, just before Christmas, Kristine called to invite me out to dinner for my birthday (the 28th of December). It was the first time that we really sat down to have a proper conversation.
It was here that Kristine first told me about all the places she had lived and traveled. She told me about how she lived in Hawaii and Nantucket. That she lived in Aspen where the best job according to her friends was on the mountain. Problem was, you had to ski down the mountain after work and Kristine had never skied before. This didn’t phase her, she took the job anyway and just learned how to ski everyday on her way home from work. She told me how she traveled throughout Europe. Went to Japan, Thailand and traveled throughout Indonesia. And after she had described just a handful of her adventures I couldn’t help but ask, “What drove you to be so spontaneous, to live your life this way?” I’ll never forget her answer. The thought of it now gives me chills. She said, “you’ll probably think this is crazy, but I’ve always had this idea, this vision... that I was going to die young.” This was 10 years ago.
Now at the time, I did think she as a little crazy, but in hindsight this idea she had turned out to be nothing less than poetic. She took this single thought, one that most of us would have just dismissed, and allowed it to shape the way she approach life every single day. If a new opportunity arose, she embraced it. If an adventure came along, she just did it. And if there was a dream or goal she wished to fulfill, she pursued it.
It was this approach to life that led her to coin her personal slogan, “Trust Life.” It was based upon her belief that we’re better off when we open ourselves up to all sorts of possibilities and simply trust the course on which life takes us. She liked to say that we get distracted with our expectations about what should be and miss out on what’s already in front of us.
I think this is why she had so many close friendships and loved her family so dearly. She genuinely appreciated people’s individuality and the unique part they play in our lives. She felt that every connection was worthwhile and had the potential to blossom or to teach us something new. The love you got from Kristine Becker was the purest kind of love. It was one based on trust, forgiveness and absolute devotion.
I miss her. I miss the way that she would just look at me and start laughing in the middle of an argument, which always put things in perspective and lighted the mood. I miss the way she would chase our dog Ruffus around the dining room table just because she thought it made him happy. I miss that one precocious, bellowing laugh she had that only came out when she was around her family. I miss the way she called me RyBaby. Only she didn’t just do it in private, but preferred to broadcast while we were out with our friends. In fact, just the other day her father Jim referred to me as RyBaby (gesturing toward Jim: which was frankly a little creepy). And I especially miss the way she would beg me to put on a slow song so that she could dance with me alone in the living room.
When she was in the hospital, after her brain surgery and was left paralyzed on her left side, she said that she missed dancing with me. That she didn’t want to have to stop dancing with me. So every night after everyone left the hospital room, I would shimmy her over to the corner of the bed, lift her to her feet, and hold her as tight as I could while we swayed to the silent rhythm of our breath.
Kristine touched my life and so many others’ so deeply. Through her courageous battle to overcome a terrible disease, she left no questions about her unbending strength and her unyielding passion for life. I’ll never be the same after knowing her. She inspired me to be a stronger, more caring, and more patient man than I ever thought possible. And after ten years of our close relationship there is no one in this world that knows me like she did. We weren’t married by choice. But we carried out the vows of a true, pure, sweat and beautiful love.
What I take from this experience is that there ARE no, “happily ever afters.” Life is tough. It’s full of hardships, struggles and challenges. While a kiss in a closet can spark a flame, flames are delicate and easily extinguished. But Kristine’s legacy teaches us to embrace the joys that are possible in each moment -- our very own, “happily right nows.”
If we can bring ourselves not to look at what we lost in Kristine’s death, but instead focus on what she gave to us in her approach to life, well then each of us carries her flame within... and that IS forever after.
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In closing, Kristine had a sort of master plan that she wished to have carried out upon her death. She chose a handful of friends and family -- and for Kristine a “handful” meant twenty. Each of the individuals will be given a small urn with a portion of Kristine’s ashes. This gift comes with a set of instructions though. The instructions can be carried out in the next year, 5 years or 10 years if that is how long it takes. The instructions are simple:
- The individuals are to select a place anywhere in the world that they have always dreamed of going and travel there (no cop outs, Kristine will be watching) and are to take Kristine’s ashes with them.
- While on this dream trip, they are to choose a special place to spread Kristine’s ashes.
- Finally, they are to write about the adventure/experience and send me what they wrote.
That’s it. I will be compiling all the writings from all the individuals and put together some sort of memento that will be shared with the group. It was Kristine’s way of leaving her mark.
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