Slow and Steady

Not much has changed since the last post. Kristine is progressing well physically. She is able to walk with more confidence and with a slightly longer stride. She is still walking slowly with a cane and still requires someone to spot her in case she loses her balance. Her arm is flaccid and uncomfortable as it continues to separate away from the shoulder. She has been receiving electrical stimulation therapy around the shoulder to encourage the muscle's tone. The grip in her hand is more controlled and she is able, at times, to extend her arm at the elbow.

We are both sleeping better. Kristine has been taking a single sleeping pill before bed which seems to help with her anxiety. She will usually wake up no more than once to change resting positions and again to use the bathroom. Of course, with the extra steps needed to get ready in the morning and to bed at night we are certainly not getting as much rest as we would like.

Friends have been great about helping -- picking Kristine up each weekday from rehab and spending time with her until I get home. Kristine loves to hear other people talk to her about what's going on in their lives and the troubles they have. I think some resist sharing what they believe are trivial details in comparison to what Kristine is going through. But Kristine loves to listen -- it helps her escape from her reality. She avoids talking about her own issues as much as she can.

Emotionally Kristine is struggling a bit. She told me the other day that she is constantly preoccupied with her affliction and the weight that she bears dealing with its consequences. She said that she does all she can just to hold it together without breaking down into tears.

Her anxiety is primarily centered around the choices (or lack of choices) that she has to make in fighting a recurrent cancer. Although the cancer in her brain has been removed or destroyed from the gamma knife radiation, she still has several lung metastases. And, as the days go on, the swelling in Kristine's right neck and shoulder have increased slightly, while she has simultaneously noticed more neck pain. This could be related to the additional load that her right arm has had to take on to compensate for her paralysis. However, we have both been around the block enough to know that this likely the ominous sign of a more sinister force at work. Let's hope that we are wrong this time.

Gamma Knife & Call for Help

Before I recap the last couple of days' events, I first want to throw out a call for help the next few weeks. Kristine's parents are leaving on Saturday for Texas which leaves Kristine and I to fend for ourselves and, as it turns out, para transit is neither easy to come by nor convenient. I plan on taking Kristine to rehab each morning, but can't pick her up every day -- I would never be able to work.

So we are calling any interested local friends to help us out if you are able. Here are the details: Commit to a single or reoccurring day of the week, pick Kristine up at 3pm from rehab on Columbus Boulevard (near the DMV and Target), bring her to our house and sit with her for a couple hours until I get home. The one thing we ask is that if you commit but then are unable to make it that you give us enough time to make other arrangements. Also, Kristine is walking short distances but still brings her wheelchair t rehab, so you have to have room enough in your car for the chair and be able to lift it (more awkward than heavy). If you are interested in helping out call or text Kristine and she can talk to you more about it.

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Kristine is making great progress with her mobility. She is walking short distances with a cane, distances that have extended with each attempt. She is able to lift her leg at the hip allowing her to climb stairs, albeit slowly. Her control is still limited in her knee and ankle, which cases her to roll her ankle without the support of a brace and shoe. Kristine's left arm has also shown improvement. She is able to close her hand and even squeeze lightly, as well as move slightly at the elbow. These are all good signs that will hopefully give her more independence in the weeks to come.

Before her appointment on Tuesday afternoon with Dr. Staddon, Kristine was very emotional. She refused to see the doctor, expressing her frustration that the appointment would be a waste of time with no new information. I convinced her to go after noting the swelling in her right shoulder as a cause for concern. As it turned out Kristine was right about the appointment. There was no new information given and little attention paid to the new swelling. Dr. Staddon laid out the options clearly and matter of factly, while being sensitive to Kristine's fragile mood. She should first continue to strengthen her leg and arm and complete the Gamma Knife radiation in her brain. After that, she can either explore a new chemotherapy option (Gemzar-Taxatere), which would give her "more time" (with a 50% likelihood of some success), or let the disease run its course. Kristine remained stone-faced and relatively quiet during the discussion. The reality is that this cancer is aggressive and there are no good options to stop it only those to slow its progress.

Kristine's Gamma Knife procedure went without a hitch on Wednesday. The latest MRI did not show any new lesions in her brain. The one tumor that was intended to be treated had grown rather rapidly, however. According to Dr. Lee it had grown to the size of a "juicy raisin" in just two months. The doctor and Kristine collectively opted not to treat the area where the first tumor was removed from her brain. There was a slight risk that Kristine's physical progress could be set back by doing so, a trade off that did not seem to make sense simply for precaution. Instead we will keep and eye on the area through regular check ups.

The news this week has been mixed, but hard to handle. Kristine and I regularly feel overwhelmed and dejected about the future. Nonetheless I can't help but think that things will turn in a positive direction and that through a relentless hope and a stubbornness to BELIEVE with certainty, Kristine will raise above this disease.