Falling Through the Cracks

The medical profession is crazy. When I last visited my oncologist after my last scan they didn't like how things looked. They had me do a needle biopsy that came back with no abnormal cells. They then suggest that I either do another needle biopsy or surgery. I opted for surgery. I go and visit the surgeon and wait three and a half hours in the waiting room. I told him that he won the prize for longest wait yet. However, the craziest part of that long wait was that they couldn't pull up my scans so the surgeon couldn't really give me an opinion. I then had to run around and pick up all of my scans and deliver them to his office. That was over a week and a half ago and I had yet to hear from them. Finally today I see their number written down on a piece of paper and decide I should follow up and see what is going on. I call and I am immediately put on hold for 15 minutes until a nurse practitioner gets on the phone and informs me that the surgeon talked to my oncologist last week and they decided that I should have the surgery. Thanks for filling me in. When were they going to get around to telling me??!!

I however, have different plans at this point. I am leaving tomorrow for a two week trip to see my family in Michigan and to attend my 20 year high school reunion. I am returning mid August and I am due for my next round of scans at the end of August. I am going to stick it out and see what the next scans show. My cough is getting better all of the time and I will be interested to see if the branch like growths have increased or decreased. I am hoping for gone all together. Time will tell. It is a little bit of a game of roulette. Time is usually not your friend when we are talking cancer but I am confident that all of the things I am doing will make the difference in my good health. People ask me all of the time, "How do you feel?" Well, I feel fantastic. I have great energy and I am having the best summer. I am just starting to feel like I am getting back to myself after the heart surgery of almost a year ago. Another surgery doesn't sound so good to me. How long does it take to recuperate form lung surgery?? Hopefully not another year......

I will most likely not be writing until I return from Michigan. Consider it a vacation from blogging. I will do my best in keeping you posted when I return. Big Love,

Kristine

Party Time...Excellent

WE ARE HAVING A PARTY!!

I am heading to Michigan to spend time with my family. My sister Stephanie has graciously offered up her home for a fun meet and greet/appreciation party for all of you who have supported me for the last year and a half. As much as I would want to make time to see each and every one of you, it is just not possible. We decided a fun family barbecue would be the perfect way to say hello to everyone without going crazy. This is definitely going to be a family party with a focus on the kids so please don't leave them home. I am excited to meet them. We are planning on having a big blow up water slide and a slip and slide. So bring the kids bathing suits. (Maybe an adult slip and slide contest would be fun, so adults bring your suits too....when is the last time you did the slip and slide??)

I do want to stress that everyone is invited. Even those of you I have never meet. Please feel free to come if you are at all interested. Some of you might not know me personally but maybe you have been the support system for one of my sisters or my parents. Don't be shy you are invited. (Yes, you the person reading this that is thinking, "I don't know, I don't even know them," or "I only met them once." Yes you too are invited). We just need to try and get an accurate head count so if you could either reply on this posting or e-mail me directly at kristine821@yahoo.com that would be helpful. See below for the details.

Just so everyone knows, Yes, Ryan will be there. He is flying in especially for the event. Finally I can stop hearing... I can't wait to meet this Ryan guy. If you don't come he might get a complex so load up those kiddies and come out for a fun afternoon.

Kristine's Appreciation Party

When: Sunday, August 10th from 3pm-7pm or whenever.

Food: We are having a barbecue of burgers and dogs (some tofu burgers and dogs as well) with some fun sides and snacks. We will have water, soda, ice tea and lemonade.

What To Bring: kids, bathing suits, any alcoholic beverages you would like to drink.

One Last Goodbye

Andrea's memorial was yesterday and it was quite an event. I loved how it was a christian type service in an old Jewish temple. The people were from every walk of life you could imagine. The rock-a-billy suits, the interesting tattoo's, the punk and the prepsters. She had so many different kinds of friends and it was really perfect to see everyone come together to grieve for such a unique individual.

It was a rather large church and there was barely a seat to be found, even in the balcony. One of my favorite moments was when they explained that in typical Andrea style she had pretty much planned out the whole service. She had friends read scriptures and had one of her friends sing a favorite song. Of course the most moving moments were when her sons and her husband got up to speak. As Ryan said, it is hard to watch a man grieve. Kelly actually put his whole speech up on the blog if anyone is interested in what he had to say. Of course Andrea thought of everything and insisted on having the last word. She had written a letter that was read by a close friend to end the service. In true Andrea fashion her letter comforted us. She told us to wipe our tears and to know she is in a better place. It had a positive spin as only Andrea could have written. It was sad but perfect. I know her spirit was with us yesterday. You could just feel her presence. Goodbye good friend take care. Much love,

Kristine

Anything but an angel.

As many of you know my dear friend Andrea passed away last Saturday morning. I want to thank all of you for your e-mails and phone calls. It is hard to lose someone you care about but I am strangely at peace with the situation. I think having lunch with her the Tuesday before and hearing her talk about how much pain she was in and that she was really ready to die. She was slurring her words from the pain meds and asking for more before lunch was over. I do know the one thing Andrea hated was to not be in the moment and alert. She did everything in her power to deal with the pain instead of being "out of it." I guess I know that in my heart she is in a better place and pain free.

I know Andrea would have loved the title to this blog because she was just that, anything but an angel. She is probably reeking havoc in heaven right now. I can hear her louder then life laugh while she tells everyone just how it is going to be now that she has arrived! Her memorial is on Monday and I hope we celebrate the women she was instead of mourn the loss of her in our lives. Big love to you all,

Kristine

Saying Goodbye

It has been over a week since I have posted anything. I have a couple of idea's of things that I wanted to write about. Such as my new hair do with a new picture. A barbecue we are going to have when I am in Michigan for all of my friends and family who have supported me during this crazy year and a half. However, I just can't find it in me to write about any of it. Lately I have been consumed by my friend Andrea and her pending death. Nothing else seems important enough. I check her blog probably 6 times a day, just waiting for the news we all know is coming. It is hard for me to be a spectator to her death. We were on the same chemo schedule, had our surgeries only 2 weeks apart and yet here I am watching her die. It doesn't seem fair. For a long time I didn't want to except that she wasn't going to make it. I even bought her all of these natural remedies that say they can work on even the worst of patients. To be honest I didn't want to let her go.

I woke up this morning and read her blog and she is prepared and even welcoming the idea of death. She is tired most of the time and in pain all of the time. She has had enough. I then called her to see if she needed any rides today and we talked for just a minute. While talking to her I realized that I too am going to have to embrace her death. I tried to keep from crying on the phone. She is so together....why can't I be. I can barely write because the tears just keep coming. I will see her for lunch today. She wants to have lobster before she dies. I will keep it together for her and remember that she embraced life the same way she will embrace death. She will not shy away from the unknown, but run to it. She has a magnificent spirit that will be missed so much. Andrea, I love you.

Kristine

In case you don't have it her blog is www.punkrockmommy.org Send her good vibes.