Saying Goodbye

It has been over a week since I have posted anything. I have a couple of idea's of things that I wanted to write about. Such as my new hair do with a new picture. A barbecue we are going to have when I am in Michigan for all of my friends and family who have supported me during this crazy year and a half. However, I just can't find it in me to write about any of it. Lately I have been consumed by my friend Andrea and her pending death. Nothing else seems important enough. I check her blog probably 6 times a day, just waiting for the news we all know is coming. It is hard for me to be a spectator to her death. We were on the same chemo schedule, had our surgeries only 2 weeks apart and yet here I am watching her die. It doesn't seem fair. For a long time I didn't want to except that she wasn't going to make it. I even bought her all of these natural remedies that say they can work on even the worst of patients. To be honest I didn't want to let her go.

I woke up this morning and read her blog and she is prepared and even welcoming the idea of death. She is tired most of the time and in pain all of the time. She has had enough. I then called her to see if she needed any rides today and we talked for just a minute. While talking to her I realized that I too am going to have to embrace her death. I tried to keep from crying on the phone. She is so together....why can't I be. I can barely write because the tears just keep coming. I will see her for lunch today. She wants to have lobster before she dies. I will keep it together for her and remember that she embraced life the same way she will embrace death. She will not shy away from the unknown, but run to it. She has a magnificent spirit that will be missed so much. Andrea, I love you.

Kristine

In case you don't have it her blog is www.punkrockmommy.org Send her good vibes.