Reality Check

Kristine had her follow up appointment with Dr. Staddon this afternoon to review her latest CT scans and MRI. I accompanied her for support and to hear what the oncologist had to say about her results.

It's difficult to describe our moods going into the appointment -- each of us probably carrying a very different set of complex and mixed emotions. The underlying mood was palpable though, especially since we avoided anything but surface level conversation about the upcoming visit.

Psychologically I've been able to escape a bit, relegating cancer to a one-time event in our distant past. Even as reminders have emerged in the last month or so that the past may not be so distant -- a constant dry cough, light-headedness when Kristine stands up and an acute discomfort in her right shoulder -- I remain optimistic and rationalize these symptoms away as part of the healing process. But this couldn't be further from Kristine's reality. She lives constantly with these symptoms as nagging reminders that any one of her scan appointments could reveal a recurrence. Nonetheless, she still has an amazing and unyielding optimism about whatever news she may receive.

In the office, the nurses stopped to say hello and compliment Kristine on how great she looks -- her spirit positive and her skin noticeably glowing from her raw vegan diet. We sat in near silence waiting for the doctor, both of us introspective about what news we might learn. Once in the examination room, Dr. Staddon took some time to talk about the scan results. He typed information into the office computer as he asked the usual exploratory questions. After some small talk he began discussing the results with us.

The scans show two branching mass-like soft tissue densities in Kristine's right lower lung. Dr. Staddon said that the presentation of these "nodules," as he called them, are very unusual. Tumors normally form initially as isolated masses rather than as branching structures as were seen in Kristine's scans. The nodules were seen in her scans a few months ago but were much smaller. They are still only about 2 cm in length (a little under an inch) and are likely causing Kristine's dry cough. Dr. Staddon expressed his concern but said that in order to be certain that the tissue was malignant and related to the previous cancer a biopsy will be necessary. He was also quick to mention chemotherapy options, which apparently would be different from prior treatments since new drugs have recently shown to be effective and less intensive. Both Kristine and I cringed at the very mention of additional chemo.

Kristine is scheduled for a needle biopsy early next week, after which we will meet with the oncologist to discuss the results and next steps. Kristine is doing well and continues to be optimistic. Part of her has been almost expecting to get this news since the end of her last radiation treatment, but of course there is always a hope that she is wrong.

We will keep you posted next week.

Ryan

Hi everybody, It's Kristine! I felt like I had to add a little something. Please don't worry and get all upset. I am taking this one step at a time and I am not concerned at all. I am living in the moment and in this moment there is no definite answer. So tomorrow I will be enjoying my life at the pool for the day. There, now you are all a bit jealous of me. Love ya,

Kristine