Higher Tides

Even knowing what day or time it is has lost its priority for me and Kristine's mom and dad. We simply hang on to every moment, good and bad, remembering the past, reimagining what the future holds for Kristine and trying to understand the role we will play. We have all run our personal ships aground, hitting rock bottom both physically and emotionally and doing our best not to let Kristine sense our despair. But this morning higher tides fell upon us. Kristine, while being evaluated by the neurological team, wiggled her toes and nearly kicked the doctor over with her left leg -- extremely positive signs on her journey toward recovery.

Although we are cautious not to place too high an expectation on these recent achievements as she is not yet able to repeat them, we are nonetheless hopeful that this is the change in trajectory that Kristine needs to sail forward with confidence. From the minute she awoke from surgery she suppressed all hope, weighed down by a perception that permanent paralysis is her inevitable fate. But it is these small signs of potential that seem to have refueled Kristine's will to fight on. This is evident in the subtle change in language she has begun using and the attitude she has begun to display. She has started referring to her limp left leg as her "heavy leg" instead of her "dead" one. She grabs her limp arm with a little less frustration and a little more determination, shaking it to come alive.

We still have a long way to go yet. A huge psychological barrier sits between Kristine and her recovery as she struggles to cope with her current physical handicap and the cancer that still remains untreated in her body. But as we often remind ourselves in these times of hardship you have to take each moment one step at a time and let the small winds of hope set our course.