It Is A Womens Right

The morning after I decided to go home, I started to feel relieved but at the same time so sad. I really felt like this was my chance at healing. I was still crying pretty constantly at his point. Every thought would set me off. At around 10am I received a text from my girlfriend Jane who I met at Hippocrates and she wrote that she wanted me to stay and that she was going to fly in to help me. I immediatley wrote back that it was too late and I had decided to leave. She wrote back again telling me not to give up and to think about it. I replied that I would think about it but my mind was pretty much made up. It took a lot for me to decide to leave. I really did not want to think about staying. I just wanted to put this adventure behind me and to go home to see Ryan and Ruffus.

I spent the afternoon in a state of depression. I could not stop crying and I felt like I was having an emotional breakdown. Before Julie left to return home she gave me the number to her friends Paul and Elona and told me to call them if I needed anything. I am still not sure what made me dial their number. When Paul answered I was crying trying to introduce myself. He immediatley put his wife on the phone and she asked what she could do for me. I really had no idea what they could do for me. She insisted that I come over to their house and have dinner with them and she would do a little treatment on me to see if she could help calm me down. (She is a licensed massage therapist.) The taxi picked me up and brought me red eyed to meet a couple I have never met before. I felt a bit embaressed by what their first impression of me would be like. I told her that and she responded that I was talking with my ego and they were glad I was there. She had clients and Paul was busy in the kitchen. I just curled up in one of their chairs and fell asleep for awhile.

Around 8:30 pm she finally had a little time to spend with me in her treatment room. She suggested that she could realign my chokras. I had a vague idea what that meant but was just grateful for the cozy massage table and the attention. She told me that everything in my body seemed really good except for my emotional chokra. Really? How did she figure that out? She told me that it was like a gas tank with holes in it and you could keep filling it but nothing would stay. She did some different things with oils and rocks and kept talking the whole time. The one thing she said that really struck me was, remember to make your decisions with your heart and not your mind and never make them out of fear. That is exactly why I was making this decision to go home. I mean how many times in my last blogs have you heard me say I was scared. I let this thought sink in over a wonderful dinner that Paul made from scratch. By the time I was leaving to go home I felt so much better. I checked my phone and there was a text from Jane asking me what I had decided. I wrote back that if she was willing to come and help me I would stay at least another week and see how it goes. She arrives in three hours.

I figure if I still decide to come home at least I would have a week in Ecuador with one of my friends. I have not even been downtown yet. Does that sound like me? Fly all the way to Ecuador and not even experience what it is like. That goes against every thread of my being. I still may come home early but I will decide when I am calm and thinking straight instead of a scarred little puppy with her tail between her legs. I know many of you are scared and just want me to come home now and I appreciate you being worried about me. If the shoe was on the other foot I would be worried about you. Today I chose not to be scared and to think with my heart. I know then I will make the right decision. I have always lived my life that way and I must stay true to myself so I have no regrets. Thank you everyone for your support! I love you all.

Kristine