Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It Is A Womens Right

The morning after I decided to go home, I started to feel relieved but at the same time so sad. I really felt like this was my chance at healing. I was still crying pretty constantly at his point. Every thought would set me off. At around 10am I received a text from my girlfriend Jane who I met at Hippocrates and she wrote that she wanted me to stay and that she was going to fly in to help me. I immediatley wrote back that it was too late and I had decided to leave. She wrote back again telling me not to give up and to think about it. I replied that I would think about it but my mind was pretty much made up. It took a lot for me to decide to leave. I really did not want to think about staying. I just wanted to put this adventure behind me and to go home to see Ryan and Ruffus.

I spent the afternoon in a state of depression. I could not stop crying and I felt like I was having an emotional breakdown. Before Julie left to return home she gave me the number to her friends Paul and Elona and told me to call them if I needed anything. I am still not sure what made me dial their number. When Paul answered I was crying trying to introduce myself. He immediatley put his wife on the phone and she asked what she could do for me. I really had no idea what they could do for me. She insisted that I come over to their house and have dinner with them and she would do a little treatment on me to see if she could help calm me down. (She is a licensed massage therapist.) The taxi picked me up and brought me red eyed to meet a couple I have never met before. I felt a bit embaressed by what their first impression of me would be like. I told her that and she responded that I was talking with my ego and they were glad I was there. She had clients and Paul was busy in the kitchen. I just curled up in one of their chairs and fell asleep for awhile.

Around 8:30 pm she finally had a little time to spend with me in her treatment room. She suggested that she could realign my chokras. I had a vague idea what that meant but was just grateful for the cozy massage table and the attention. She told me that everything in my body seemed really good except for my emotional chokra. Really? How did she figure that out? She told me that it was like a gas tank with holes in it and you could keep filling it but nothing would stay. She did some different things with oils and rocks and kept talking the whole time. The one thing she said that really struck me was, remember to make your decisions with your heart and not your mind and never make them out of fear. That is exactly why I was making this decision to go home. I mean how many times in my last blogs have you heard me say I was scared. I let this thought sink in over a wonderful dinner that Paul made from scratch. By the time I was leaving to go home I felt so much better. I checked my phone and there was a text from Jane asking me what I had decided. I wrote back that if she was willing to come and help me I would stay at least another week and see how it goes. She arrives in three hours.

I figure if I still decide to come home at least I would have a week in Ecuador with one of my friends. I have not even been downtown yet. Does that sound like me? Fly all the way to Ecuador and not even experience what it is like. That goes against every thread of my being. I still may come home early but I will decide when I am calm and thinking straight instead of a scarred little puppy with her tail between her legs. I know many of you are scared and just want me to come home now and I appreciate you being worried about me. If the shoe was on the other foot I would be worried about you. Today I chose not to be scared and to think with my heart. I know then I will make the right decision. I have always lived my life that way and I must stay true to myself so I have no regrets. Thank you everyone for your support! I love you all.

Kristine

23 comments:

  1. OK that's the Kristine I know and love. I must agree with your new friend about decision making, they should never be made with anger or fear. I still miss you but I'll make it until your treatment is over.

    Hugs and lots of love, Toni

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  2. being with your family and friends and shopping? What kind of comparison is that???? Your gut was telling you to go home - to a clean enviroment and to check with doctors who were not sick... Your heart is one thing - your mind is another - hope you are doing the right thing.. please rethink your decision.. worried about you

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  3. Looks like you have found love and support in Ecuador too.
    Much love,
    Kira

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  4. Keep the Faith Kristine! Love,Ann

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  5. You always meet the most amazing people & have the best adventures. And your friend Jane is a saint. Hang in there.
    - w

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  6. we are thinking about you and are so glad that you will have some company...love you. jeanna, christopher and rusty

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  7. I miss you and love you and thinking about you so much. I just want to hug your neck and give you a big kiss. I trust your judgment and respect your adventure. Don't worry about all of us being worried, its your life and use your energy for you. Biff,Hannah and I send our energy and support! We will be thinking of you Tuesday as its Hannah Kristine's 1 year bday and she wants her aunt tine to be safe and hurry home! Love you CF

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  8. Breathe......... You are there for a reason. Those two people sound like amazing angels. And yes, it is your right to change your mind. Enjoy this phenomenal experience. These lessons could be part of your healing.
    I love you...
    Leigh

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  9. Tell Jane she is a great person!
    Hang in there and do what is right for you!
    Go see DOWNTOWN! you are ane explorer go explore!!!

    Love Barbara

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  10. i'm wishing the best for you stine. please take care.
    debbie

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  11. dear kristine,
    remember what dorthy in the wizzard of oz discovered? "there is no place like home!"

    please consider, coming back to the states... the circle(aura) of family and the comfort of your own pillow and bed... have immeasurable value to your well being!! i send you this message, with utmost respect for your journey, compassion and courage... and love.
    marsha g.

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  12. I'm thinking about you, worried about you, praying for you.... Please take care of you!

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  13. Oh Kristine, I read your most recent two updates with concern for you and admiration for your strength. I actually looked into flights on USAir to see if miles could get me even close! I am so glad Jane is there with you now. Please keep finding stength to fight this. I want to play bingo with you not only next summer and in the old age home. xo

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  14. Kristine, I read your most recent two updates with concern for you and admiration for your strength. I actually looked into flights on USAir to see if miles could get me even close! I am so glad Jane is there with you now. Please keep finding stength to fight this. I want to play bingo with you not only next summer and in the old age home. xo

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  15. Hang in there Stiner-box! Do you need me to send you some sheets : - ) I love you!
    j.j.

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  16. Just checking in ....
    Please write an update when you have time.
    Love,
    Jill

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  17. Kristine, it seems like an age since you have blogged. Please let us know what is happening - we are worried about you

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  18. Kristine, I'm going to be praying for you in the name of Lord Jesus Christ. He's the greatest physician there is and also a healer as well. Please feel free to approach Him anytime for He cares for you a great deal. All you can do is just cry out to Jesus and ask him to please heal you. He wants to take on your burden for you and He's waiting for you to ask Him so please don't hesitate to ask Him.

    He's always here for you and near so all you need to do is call upon His name.

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  19. I just wanted to let everyone know that Kristine is due back in the States this evening. I know that everyone is waiting for an update. Unfortuneately that's pretty much all I know. I'll be meeting with her for a couple of hours this evening before her flight back home.

    Gretchen

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  20. Thanks, Gretchen! Roey

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  21. Kristine, just to let you know we are all thinking of you.

    Love, George, Maureen and Danielle

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  22. Thanks Gretchen !!!! We were getting anxious after not hearing from her during this mentally challenging period.

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